those happy '70s... :P

energiavámpírok

megértettem totál, hoyg a negatív energia az nem olyan h van pozitív fjta meg negatív fajta, hanem a negatív az az energy hiányát jelenti, míg a pozitív azt h van
s akik nem tudják a saját szintjüket harmonikus 0án tartani azok másokét szívják beszélgetés közben
de nem azért h feltöltődjenek, hanem h abban a pillanatban funkcionáljanak
aztán amikor vége a beszélgetésnek, akkor hamarosan megint kiűrülnek

white spots

HEy, I don't know what the white spots on fingernails mean, but I had a few for the past few weeks. on 2-3 nails. I put nail polish on like 4 days ago, and now when I took it of, the spots weren't there anymore. I think it was something psychical, coz I am feeling better now mentally, and I think I ate more than before, because I wasn't so depressed. And the spots are gone. Very interesting! for me at least. and I am very glad I don't have spots on my nails anymore..they made me quite worried actually, coz when you see them, you know there's something wrong with you..you just never know what...

red thing

hehehe..tonight I opened a really old cheese..it is that triangular shaped melted cheese you can put on bread. And it had red coloured fungus on it. I guess the colour came from the red plastic ribbon that helps open the packaging. yet it is still interesting how only the fungus has become red, the cheese hasn't.:) I wish I had a camera now..

Miért nem akarok gyereket? Íme:

- mert nem akarok terhes lenni és szülni
- mert félek, hogy betegen születik, vagy beteg lesz, vagy akár meghal
- mert félek, hogy én halok meg vagy betegszek le és magára hagyom
- mert ha majd egyszer rákérdez arra, hogy miért született, miért van a földön, nem fogok tudni mit mondani neki. Mert nekem se tetszik ez a világ
- mert nem akarok önző lenni és csak azért világra hozni egy ártatlan lelket, mert unatkozok, vagy hogy az egómat növeljem vele
- mert önző vagyok és mivel csak úgy tartom értelmesnek a gyereknevelést, ha legalább az anya rááldozza az életét, és nem a nagyira meg másokra bízza a gyereket míg ő dolgozik stb, és nekem nincs időm arra, hogy egész nap egy gyerekkel foglalkozzak. Túl sok mindent szeretnék még megélni egyedül, meg látni a világból
- mert nem tudom kivel vállalnám el ezt a feladatot mármint a szülőit, valamint nem tudom, hogy elég tiszták-e a sejtjeim ahhoz, hogy egészséges gyereket hozzak világra .. (de úgyse akarok terhes lenni és főleg nem szülni)
- mert nem tudom garantálni boldogságát. Azt meg miért akarnám, hogy valaki aki eddig nem is létezett, egyszercsak legyen, és első perceitől kezdve szenvedjen. És csakis én lehetek felelősségre vonva emiatt, mert nem mondhatom, hogy nem tudtam, hoyg szar az élet, mikor igenis hogy pontosan tudtam, hogy többnyire szar. És az a kevés jó ami történik velünk az csak azért van, hoyg életben tartsa a reményt, de igazából még nem ok arra, hogy újra meg akarjak születni és végigcsinálni ezt még egyszer.
- mert ha van egy gyerekem, az akkor iskoláztatva lesz, ami megintcsak azt jelenti, hoyg nem az én gyerekem, hanem a társadalomé.
- Mert félek, hogy amiatt, hogy nem csak én nevelem, és amiatt, hogy genetikailag is meg van határozva a személyisége, egy nem olyan ember lesz amilyenne én szeretném a gyerekemet, hanem egy geci, elkényeztetett, beképzelt, szívtelen, vagy túl érzékeny, tutyimutyi stb. Ember lesz. Mert a világ szereti így megleckéztetni az embert...
- Milyen okok vannak még a gyerekszülésre? A génjeim továbbadása? Vagy hogy ne legyek egyedül amikor csúnya leszek meg öreg? Vagy hogy szórakoztasson amikor már 30 éves vagyok és már nincs más célom mint dolgozni, férjnél lenni és gyereket nevelni?
- Hol van ezekben az okokban az a lény akiről ez az egész sztori szól, aki viléágra jön, aki túlél engem, azaz a szülőt és egy egyre elbaszottabb világban kell élnie? Én is azon dolgozok, hoyg jobbá tegyem, és nem sikerül, csak szépen lassan romlik. Akkor miért gondolom, hogy ez meg fog változni csak azért, mert én gyereket szülök, és a gyerekemnek a legjobbat akarom. Attól hogy én mit akarok, még nem változik meg a világ.

DEPRESSION..OR BIGPRESSURE

dAMN...I don't know what happened to me, but I feel like the whole world got into my stomach and wants to burst out. It is afeeling like you want to shout and scream to get it out of you. The thoughts I have are something like "I have to get out of here! I need to go somewhere, somewhere far away, want to be free, and to feel there is no pressure coming from any place around me, or from within me."...Dunno...
I have had this choking feeling before. and it is not air I lack, so I am not literaly choking, it is just as if I were in a box, and I will never get out. Like there was something out there which is much more real, and much bigger and clearer than the life I am or we are living, but we just can't get to it...
I was thinking I needed to express this somehow, to get it out of my system, but I don't know how...any kind of visual or audial way of creating art needs a faster computer than mine..maybe I could try photoshop..or some simple video-editing programme..anyone have any ideas? what programmes could I use for this? just to be able to cut and edit and maybe ad a few effects to the video..and just render it without needing a bloody fast computer? .... I need an answer as soon as possible.. Thank you everyone for listening....reading! if there is anyone out there who cares!

relationships

well, another relationship started and ended in about 2 months. At least I have the ability not to end them fully, but keep them as friendships. that's all I can say. It was good, but we were going to different directions on different routes and it was almost impossible to meet, both phisically and mentally, spiritually.... I think I won't get into any other relationships at least until summer, or the end of spring... then maybe I will be in the mood for taking off my clothes..but not before :) it is too cold in the winter. :) hehehe

if you see this

POST A COMMENT PLEASE!

why would I want to...

use facebook? there is nothing happening there, it is totally confusing, with all the walls, superwalls, personal walls etc. and all the notifications, which are mostly about some shitty application invitation, or invitation for a cause you are not really doing anything about..so it is kind of like a site for the compulsive cleaners, as it makes you erase a lot of things without axtually communicating with anyone from your contacts.
and then there is the problem of privacy..because you don't have any. whatever you do, whatever changes you make, facebook will notify all your aquaintances inon the contactlist...so watch-out what messages you write to your friends coz it will appear on all your contacts' pages as well...
waahhh... :(

the world is small!

Today, an interesting thing happened. I was having dinner at a table with 3 bosnian girls and 2 strangers. Because I had an asignment to do an interview with someone abbout the next day´s topic, I asked the strangers to talk about it. One of them, a guy from Romania was actually a professional in the topic, he is giving lectures, that is holding trainings on the topic and he knew what to say about it, but this is not the interesting part.
The funny thing was, when we started exchanging emails and he found out I was from Subotica. He became excited and told me he´s been there, and he was at the etnofest at palic this june. I told him I was there too with sambass, the samba band I play in and he actually heard us play. but we didn´t meet as such. he was just present at the concert. So we actually met 3 months ago without knowing that we will meet and he will help me in my asignment in Mollina, Spain a few months later.. :)
isn´t the world a peculiar flow of energies?? it is just incredible how the people who can help each other in one way or another are always there at a reach of the hand, you just have to be open and communicative enough to be able to grab them and take what they are there to offer...remember this, as if it was your own experience, and it might help you as well in your life.

have a nice day!!

IN SPAIN

well, it is interesting, because I am not in spain in the sense I haven´t seen anything yet. We are in a rather segregated area, which is a huge complex of buildings, palm trees and sporting facilities. it is very pretty, there are around 300 people here, from 93 countries, all attending one of the 6 trainings going on at the same time. I think I will try to show you some pictures, or give a link to flickr. I just need to upload them.
egy no rohadtul csamcsog a ragojaval mellettem.. :) es eszrevettem, hogy az embereknek profilbol mennyire mozog az orruk hegye amikor beszelnek-...ezt meg regebben, de most mar le kellett irnom :)
amugy tenyleg erdekes es nagyon faraszto, de megintcsak nagyon tanulsagos hely ez. remelem eleg bator leszek ahhoz, hogy eleg infot szerezzek arrol amirol akarok.
akkor most megprobalok kepeket uploadolni.


so here are the pics..6 of them so far..I got lost alone in the village yesterday..well today at 1 in the morning. but I managed to find my way back to the university after a while. :) iI felt really silly, coz I am usually good in orientation, but I wasn´t paying attention yesterday towards the bar, and I was a bit tipsy on the way back. But I had to hurry, coz I had to finish some translation for the theatre... yes, at 1-2 in the morning.. :)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/22377922@N04/sets/72157607321255022/

I hope you will see the set.. :)

enjoy

csao

Spain

well, I am leaving for Spain in 2 hours. There will be a training on cultural diversity and youth work --- combined. so i bet it will be fun. and everyone accepted it rather nicely. even my boss, coz I've been working in the school for only 2 weeks , and she said she likes it when the teachers educate themselves, and I just need to organise my replacement. my mom will be filling in for me, so everyone will be happy. life is great :)

HAHAHA!! :)

now this is very funny..you know what happens when you inhale helium right? well you will learn what happens when you inhale sulfur hexafluoride from this video :)

summary

well, it is almost the middle of september...I got a good job, i got motivation in belgrade from a guy who is very professional at what he does, and he made me want to do things as a civilian in my community...which i was already doing, but i learned that my country began some changes and we are in the exceptional position to be the first to take advantage of these changes...so i will! and it started again, on its own. i found the link between us, the private sector and the government and i think we will do something really big in our town.
and above all this, i kinda fell in love (i am not sure if i dare to say this, as i am usually not a person who openly shows her emotions moreover talks about them, but lets call this state being in love..it sounds nice) and i get a lot of energy out of it. not out of him directly, but out of the fact that i am happy :)

okay... as an ending, lets wathch a japanese band and their video, which is something like a mixture of mansons beautiful people and nightwish... :D...very disturbingly commercial..

LAST DAY

wow..I just couldn't et myself to writing..this has been the most eventful week of my life..if I started listing everything that happened to me, the things I've seen, the things I've heard...I just wouldn't stop writing..and you couldn't read it. So.. if you ever wonder wether to come to sziget or not, well.. bring a tent, put it up close to everything, near some trees, and near the toilets. There is no stealing, as we may suppose, so don't be afraid Noone needs your filthy clothes here, and carry your valuables, or put it in the treasury..
stay here for the whole week and try everything you can.. a wekk won't be enough I promise..
and, most importantly, DON'T PLAN TOO MUCH!!! it just ruins the experience. Stay as laid back as you can, and just let your feet take you wherever and keep your eyes open. I am sure you will see everything you ever wished to see this way! :)))

SZIGET day 1 english

So the officially first day has passed. With lots of leg+feet stories.
The first more interesting phenomenon was the 5 african guys in national clothing, skippink around in a circle, and as I know from the discovery channel, they are trying to jump as high as they can. They had shoes that are very special, my friend just got into the business of promoting them, coz they are good for the muscles.. or something like that.
Afterwards I was stunned by the legs of Alanis Morisette..she got a bit bigger than like I remembered her. But her voice is still great.
We noticed the bungee jumping action, which I have never tried, because you are connected to the rope by your ancles, and I am afraid they will get hurt. But the French artists at another stage were clearly not bothered by this. The performed a spectacular show, telling the myth of creation from the greek mythology. They were on stage, in the air, at about 60 metres high, lit by pro reflectors, hanging from the crane, and the music was so well organised, chills were running up and down my spine.
Then I saw the ugly as the Beatles, but carizmatically honest like the Guns and Roses, and popular like both, The Kooks. It was fun. Cute, English, not so good-looking guys. :)
Then another French dance theatre showed their smooth and funny dance moves, and in the end I got left alone with my aching feet, coz I walked sooo much around the place...

SZIGET day 1

Elmult az elso nap a szigeten. Elmult a nulladik is, de az inkabb olyan bevezeto jellegű volt. A labfétis ötletem tegnapra nagyon jól bevált. Ugyebár az volt az ötlet, hogy a lábakat fogom figyelni. Hát az első nap láttam amolyan afrikai néptáncszerűséget ami arról szól, a discoveryből informálódva, hogy körben állnak a férfiak, aprókat ugrálnak, és néhanéha valamelyikük magasra ugrik. A lényeg az, hogy ki ugrik magasabbra. Mellesleg a cipőjuk olyan volt, amit épp most ismertem meg egy barátnőmtől. A talpa nem egyenletes, hanem olyan mintha egy gömbcikk lenne, és állítólag nagyon jót tesz az izmoknak, főleg azoknak amelyeket a járáshoz használunk.
Ez után az Alanis Morisette koncerten láttam egy meglepő lábat, méghozzá éppen Alanis lába volt az. Nagyon meghízott,és a lábához képest tök pici volt a feje, de a hangja szerencsére nem változott. Sőt, tapasztalataimból ítélve a felesleg testsúly jót tesz a hangképzéshez használt test-rezonanciának.
Innen a bungee jumpingozók megfigyelésébe kezdtünk, ők is a lábuknál fogva, pontosabban a bokjuknál vannak felerősítve a kötére, ami nekem az első számú ellenérv a kipróbáláshoz, mert attól félek kirántja a helyéről az izületeimet. De lehet, hogy ez nem is így van.
Hanem a bugee jumping amatőr szinten csak a bevezetés volt. Franciaországból jött egy produkció, profi balett-táncosok, vagy artisták, nem derült ki számomra, de egy olyan előadással jöttek, ami perceken át letaglózva hagyta a közönséget. A görög teremtésmítoszt adták elő egy daruról lógatott szerkezeten lógva, profi szines megvilágítással, jelmezekkel, a zene kitűnően volt összeválogatva. Egyszóval lenyűgöző volt.

Az britt indie-rock képviselői sem hagytak kivetnivalót maguk után. Szűk farmerban, vicces lakcipőben állt színpadra a The Kooks. Annyit tudtam megállapítani róluk, hoyg olyanok mint a Beatles és a Guns and roses keveréke. Zeneileg épp annyira pop mint mindkét együttes, csakhogy olyan csúnyák mint a Beatles és olyan karizmatikus őszinte rockot játszanak mint annó a Guns.
Ezek után volt még blues+népzene+country+jazz keverék zene toporzékoló szaxofonossal, még egy érdekes francia táncszínház, és a végére maradt a kegyetlen izomláz amit a sok sétálástól kaptam, a bokám körül.

A második nap majd ezek után.. :)

--
☼, klara

SZIGET 0

in the end I arrived on day 0....probably the most tiring day after the last day..which will be interesting. I barely fit into my backpack from home..and I already collected some things to take home. I am working on my idea for the journal that got me the acreditation, but also ccollecting ideas for the forest dump project..I actually learned things from the Hungarian green -organisation about the situation in Vojvodina..but at least I learned.
I barely could find a place to put my tent, and when I did find it, the ground proved to be very hard, some parts were missing from the base of the tent and noone helped me.. but who cares. I met some people, strangers, but at least there was someone to talk to. I am trzing to decide whether it is better to come here totally alone or with someone who wants to do something different from me al the time and I need to make compromises...it is a difficult decision, but I think I will again stick to the come alone and let life take you to your place. because this is only the first day, I bet none of the people I hang out with are here..and maybe they won't even come at all...and thinking about it, bthis last thing was probably the reason why I came alone in the first place. :)
so...I saw Iron Maiden live..and no surprises there. they ARE funny. still playing the same old rock-metal thing from the 80s, with mise-en-scene that has lost its power over the past decade with all the laser shows and stuff. the theme was Egypt...something that I finally understand better than before, but the 2 most ridiculous, or most spectacular thigs were when the singer put on some shaman hat and when a huge mummy came out of the background doing hand movements that only needed the sound wwooooooooooo to it to make it perfectly ...well perfectly like it was.. :)

Then I went to sleep...

now I am in the press tent, and I will keep everyone updated everyday about what the previous day waslike..

OH I decided at home my focus will be feet..well, there are a lot of them, they are smelly, and mostly they are in groups of 4 and up..oh and lots of them are broken or sprained..lots of injuries this year.

bye for now!

wowie!

WOW..today is a special day. I get woken to learn that the place I applied to but was not in the country when the interviews were was waiting for me to call, and since I didn't, they did, and said the manager wants to see me take their test and find me something to do in their office. I am stunned, get some food and go to my room. I open my emails, and there are 2 unread messages. One tells me I got the acreditation for the Sziget Festival, and the other one is letting me know that I am one of the chosen 5 of many other applicant who applied for a youth-worker training course in Spain. Me, who is not even a member of the kind of organisation they are partnrs with. and it should have been a course for partner organisations. But they still chose me to represent the Hungarian minority from Serbia.

I think these must be signs that I shouldn't take the not so sure job in Ljubljana to work as a receptionist without papers...and then trying to get apers, VIs, and spend lots of time and money...

we will see. If they employ me in Subotica at this agency then I am not going to Slovenia for sure.

luck is only the strength of your belief!

I did an experiment. A bit dangerous but rather fun experiment. And it worked.

Imagine yourself taking a backpack, a friend (girl) and a few cardboards and a map, and just putting your life in the hands of other people to get to a place you haven't decided on. 

This is what we did. We set off on Friday. The only thing planned was that we, I mean I, had to get to ljubljana till monday noon. 

So we hitch-hiked. I know that for my friend this trip meant something else than for me. For her it was kind of a life experience that showed her and different people's lives to herself. For me it was a trip that proved that if you do not imagine the negative, only the positive, that is you don't think about things you are afraid of happening, but concentrate on the one thing you would like to hapen to you, it worked so freakily well, that it was funny.

The hitch-hike happened in the exact same order of stoping vehicles as I meditated on it the last night aloud ( meaning that I imagined that a person we know will take us on a part of the trip after the border. and it happened. then I finished my meditation with a car that we stop on the western side of hungary and which will take us directly to istria. This happened as well. we even made friends with them, adn spent the whole weekend together with them)

The things I didn't imagine or was afraid of did not happen. I never could imagine how we are hitching from istria to ljubljana. and it never happened. Noone would give us a ride, but 1 day before a guy gave us each 1 ticket to rijeka. he wanted us to go to  a party with him and his friends, but this was on saturday, in the evening, and we were so tired we had to sleep. So we in the end, got to ljubljana by train, which cst 15 euros. Subotica -> Ljubljana = 20 hours to opatia (with 4 hours spent in an apartment waiting for the car to be fixed, sleeping, showering,,, ) + 3 hours by train = 15 euro :)

Then the next thing. I got a job in Ljubljana, and I got a place to live in until I find one of my own, and I again didn!t meet Olga who was supposed to be my boss. and I think this is again for the better, coz she is strange, and maybe if I worked for her I would go crazy after a while. I will be working in a hostel...there are several hostels, but this one is special for several reasons.

When I did not know yet if we could sleep at a friend's apartment, I looked for acciomodation and found a hostel named Fluxus. Of course because of the Serbian cards and such we couldn't make reservations. I printed the map and all the details of the hostel just in case.

So I get to ljubljana and olga is working hard on not meeting me, but she sends me the phonenumber of a guy who "owns a hotel". I call the guy and he is really nice and helpful. He tells me to meet the next day. I ask him to write down the name and address of the hotel so I could go there and meet with him. And he says: go directly to F., and talk o his friend coz he is not there. It seemed so farmiliar, the name, but it was not until I noticed the whole place and when I realised it was a Hostel, not a hotel, that I realised this is again not a coincidence. Of all the  hostels, of all the people, of all the times, I get this one. If 1 step of our plan was different, we might have even slept in the F. and just had to go out of the room to meet the "new boss".

After slovenia, which we left with instant plan modifications, coz we left every station at least 6-9 hours later, so we didnt leave on tuesday but on wedesday morning. And we went to Wienna. and also we got 2 beds,, maybe the only 2 beds left in the entire hostel, coz 3 guys could not get beds in this or other hostels, but the 2 of us got them no problem. And it was 10 minutes on foot from the museums which we wanted to see anyway. So we were lucky? or well focused. coz we arrived in a 100% strange city and it took us 1 hour to find a hostel without a proper map. And this hostel was okay. cheap for Wienna, breakfast included, they stored our luggage all day till our train for free. So It was coool! I am sorry it ended, and also sorry that I cant tell all the small funny or incredibly lucky/focused bits, but it would be too long, and not interesting for unknown ears.

So..what got erased from thispost and what  have no strength to rewrite is, that this trip proved that by actively meditating on what yyou want, and not letting your mind drift to thoughts about what can go wrong, what is potentially dangerous and bad to happen, because by visualising it you set of a time-bomb waiting to blow. But if you think of what you want, and just leave it at that, do not think about it, coz it will trigger the bad thoughts, coz we are used to doing that. that is how he society conditioned our minds.

When we were still trying to get out of subotica to the border, older people were all commenting our idea. either by nonverbal signs adn some with speech: " Do you also want to fall into the situation you can see on TV?" (of course she said it much shorter)

and it was so sad to see how people live theor lives, ride their bicycles every morning, thinking that all the people in the cars and on the streets are bad, evil, want to harm others...why? coz it says on TV.,,,ÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁÁ

xxxx